Radio Questions to Re-engage with your Spouse

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Re Engage Questions to do with your Spouse

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Take time this week to listen to our podcast on the principle noted below.   Then spend some time going over the following questions listed below, first by yourself, then be sure to spend time together sharing your answers and listening to your spouses answers! Resist the urge to get defensive, criticize, or “fix it”. This is crucial! Just listen and talk. Remember you can only change you. The goal is to grow in your relationship with each other but first and foremost with The Lord!

*Content and Questions taken from re|engage by Todd Wagner and John McGee, Watermark Community Church

Lesson 1 – LOVE

“One of the best ways to improve your marriage is to draw a circle around yourself and work on changing everyone inside that circle!” -Mike & Laurie Sheffield (adapted from John McGee)

1. What has informed your view of love up to this point in your life (Your family, friends, Hollywood, the internet, etc)?

2. How would you describe your parents’ marriage? In what ways is yours similar? In what ways is your marriage different?

3. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Which of the qualities of love, from this passage, do you struggle with the most?

Which qualities, from this passage, would say say your spouse exemplifies best?

4. Why is it difficult for you to love your spouse the way Christ loves you?

5. Read 1 John 4:7-21

Write down any insights into God’s love and how YOU should love your spouse.

6. Write your spouse a note today, thanking them for their willingness to work together on your marriage.

Lesson 2 – Brokenness

“I am my biggest marital problems!” – Paul David Tripp

1st Aired on Thursday, October 8th, 2020

Read Psalm 139:23 & 24

1. Reflect on which ways you have been:

Angry,

selfish,

prideful,

lazy,

controlling,

critical

Until we each acknowledge the brokenness in our own hearts and turn to the One who is ready and willing to help you, your relationship will remain broken.

Read John 15:5

2. How do you think your sins have impacted your marriage? Be specific.

3. Share with your spouse your answers from questions 1 & 2 above. *NOTE: When listening to your spouse share their answers, please do not provide any feedback other than thanking them for sharing.

Read Psalm 51

4. Write down any personal observations from Psalm 51.

5. Action Item for this week: Write a note, email or verbally encourage your spouse with three characteristics that you appreciate about them.

Lesson 3 – GRACE

“But God, is so rich in mercy; he loved us so much that even though we were spiritually dead and doomed by our sins, he gave us back our lives again[a] when he raised Christ from the dead—only by his undeserved favor have we ever been saved—” Ephesians 2:4-5 TLB

Your relationship with God is grounded in grace, and so must your relationship with your spouse! It’s the foundational pillar to any healthy relationship. On today’s show we talked about: What grace is, what grace is not, when grace is offensive and why engage with God?

We asked you to consider: Do you have a “works-based” marriage or a “grace-based marriage”?

  1. Can you recall a time when your spouse has been gracious to you? How did this make you feel?
  2. Is it harder for you to receive grace or give grace? Why do you think it is this way?
  3. Many couples operate on a merit-based system and often keep score. Why do you believe this is ultimately destructive for any relationship?
  4. Have you responded to The Truth of The Gospel and received God’s gift of grace? Do you believe you need it?

READ: Colossians 4:6

5.  From your perspective, how gracious is your speech? How could you improve in this area?

Action Item:  Our spouses will frustrate, hurt or disappoint us. Look for an opportunity to extend grace to them this week.

Questions Available – October 22, 2020

Lesson 4- Humility

“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less.”-C.S. Lewis

1.) Is it difficult to show humility to your spouse? Why or why not?

2.)Humility In Marriage Can Look Like: serving your spouse, not having to be right, asking for forgiveness, studying your spouse, celebrating your spouses success, communicating kindly, putting your spouses need 1st. From this list, which areas could you most improve? Write down HOW you could improve, be specific.

3.)Ask your spouse to share 3 ways you can show humility or serve them. List your spouses answers.

Read: Philippians 2:1-18 and write down any observations you make.

*ACTION ITEM: This week, do some of the things that your spouse shared with you from question #3.

Lesson available on line-October 29, 2020

Lesson 5 Forgiveness

“The one who benefits the most from forgiveness is the one who grants it.”-Andy Stanley

1.)Today on the radio we talked about 5 explanations of what forgiveness is not. Which ones do you have a hard time applying? Why?

2.)Do you tend to replay the pain your spouse has caused you? How can replaying the pain your spouse has caused you be detrimental to your marriage?

3.)How has it been difficult to forgive your spouse?

4.)What fears do you have about extending forgiveness to your spouse?

Read: Matthew 18:21-35

5.)How are you demanding repayment from your spouse in the ways they have hurt you?

*ACTION ITEM: Pray Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Then ask God to show you sins for which you need to ask for forgiveness. Write them down. This is the first step in setting new patterns for your relationship.

Lesson available here, on line.

Lesson 6 Forgiveness In Action

“One of marriages primary responsibilities is to teach us how to forgive.”-Gary Thomas

In todays lesson we’re going to do some self-examination and humbly ask our spouse for forgiveness. This lesson may take a little more time, so be sure to set aside enough time.

Forgiveness is difficult for many of us, and can take some practice. Don’t get discouraged…it takes time.

-This process can be pivotal in your marriage, as you begin the process of asking for and granting forgiveness.

Pray Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!”  Think about the ways you have hurt, disappointed, frustrated, or been untruthful with your spouse. Ask God to show you your sins for which you need to ask for forgiveness.

STEP 1: SEARCH YOUR HEART

STEP 2: CONFESS TO GOD

STEP:3 CONFESS TO YOUR SPOUSE

STEP 4: ASK FOR FORGIVENESS

STEP 5: GRANT FORGIVENESS

1.)What was  most difficult  about asking for forgiveness?

2.)What was the most difficult part about granting forgiveness?

3.)How can you begin to make forgiveness a regular practice in your marriage?

4.) Is there anything about the way you relate to your spouse that makes it difficult for them to confess issues to you and ask for forgiveness?

*ACTION ITEM: Is there anything else you need to confess to your spouse an ask for forgiveness? Pray and ask God to give you the courage to talk about this to your spouse.

*ACTION ITEM: Pick one of the areas for which you asked forgiveness and commit to change.

(If you find it difficult to do any of the above, find someone that is the same gender as you and ask them to hold you accountable and pray for you and your marriage.). Ideally this would be your small group leader or someone in your group, but as we are not able to meet in groups at this time, pray God will show you who this person should be.

Lesson available on line

Lesson 7-COMMITMENT

“Commitment is daily reminding yourself of God’s commitment to you and that your spouse is a gift from God.”-Todd Wagner

1.)Would you describe your marriage more as a contract or an unconditional commitment? Why?

2.)Do you believe that you are under a contract with God or that He has made a covenant with you? Why?

3.)What doors are open or still unlocked in your marriage? What do you need to do to shut and lock those doors?

Read: Mark 10:1-12

4.) What do you think it means that God has joined a husband and wife together? Why does this matter?

*ACTION ITEM: Do something this week together that is a reminder of your wedding day. Look at pictures of your wedding, find the video and watch it. Try to remember your vows and say them to each other, or write what you wish they were.

*ACTION ITEM: Ask someone that knows you well, to share with you things they have seen you say or do that undermines your marriage. Don’t get defensive. Simple thank them for their willingness to share with you.

Lesson available on line

Lesson 8-Truth

“What if God intended marriage to make us holy more than happy?” – Gary Thomas

1.)  In this week’s show we discussed a number of lies that others tell us or that we tell ourselves about marriage. We then discussed what the truths are.  The list of lies that are told to us and that we are temped to believe include:

  • I should “feel” in love at all times
  • My marital issues and problems are different or unique
  • I married the wrong person and my “soul mate” is still out there
  • My marriage shouldn’t be this hard
  • My marriage and spouse are supposed to make me happy
  • I can never have a great marriage because there has been so much damage

Which lie(s) in the above list do you tend to believe? Why? What can you do to remind yourself of what is true?

2.)  What lie(s) that are not on this list do you tend to believe (divorce would be easier, my spouse is the problem, etc.)? Why? What can you do to remind yourself of what is true?

Read: Matthew 4:1-11

3.)  How did Jesus respond each time He was tempted? What hinders you from responding likewise when you are confronted with a lie?

*ACTION ITEM: If you and your spouse have been following along and doing the questions together, Congratulations!!! You have completed Lesson 8 which is the halfway point.  This is a great time to celebrate how far you have come and evaluate where you still need to grow.  This week, spend some time reflecting on 1-2 ways you have grown and 1-2 ways you still need to grow.  Reflect on the growth you have seen in your spouse as well and compliment and encourage them in that.

*ACTION ITEM: This week do something to celebrate your accomplishment and encourage your spouse.  You can do something elaborate like a nice dinner or something simple like grabbing a scoop of ice cream.  Make sure to thank your spouse for the commitment they have made to these eight lessons and encourage them in areas that you are experiencing growth in your marriage.

Lesson available on line

Lesson 9-Communication

Answer questions 1-4 by yourself first, then share them with your spouse 

The goal of communication is mutual understanding

1.)  How are you displaying the following negative communication patterns with your spouse? Give examples

  • Withdraw or avoid
  • Escalate
  • Negatively Interpret
  • Invalidate

2.) What are you doing that might cause your spouse to want to use any of these negative communication patterns?

3.)  Ask your spouse how they think you display any of the following communication patterns.  Don’t respond or become defensive, but simply thank them for their insights.

  • Withdraw or Avoid
  • Escalate
  • Negatively Interpret
  • Invalidate

Read:

  • Proverbs 29:11
  • Matthew 5:22
  • 1 Corinthians 13:7
  • Ephesians 4:15

How are these passages related to the negative communication patterns?

*ACTION ITEM: This week when you communicate with your spouse, attempt to recognize the negative communication pattern they have pointed out to you and work towards improving communication in the moment.

Show available on line 12/13/20

Lesson 10-Conflict

Answer questions 1-5 by yourself first, then share them with your spouse 

“Conflict is not sin but how you respond to it might be” – Todd Wagner

1.)  How did your family of origin resolve conflict? What aspects would you like to incorporate into your marriage? What aspects would you like to avoid in your marriage?

2.) How do you view conflict: as something to be avoided at all costs or as an opportunity to build your relationship? Why?

3.)  What are some subjects, topics, circumstances or settings that often lead to conflict in your marriage?

Read: Ephesians 4:2-3

4.) In what ways will you put this verse into practice?

Read: Matthew 7:5

5.) What are some “logs” you need to take out of your eye?

*ACTION ITEM: Ask your spouse how you could become better at resolving conflict and write their answer below.  You can ask clarifying questions, but don’t rebut what they share.

Lesson 11-Expectations

Answer questions 1-5 by yourself first, then share them with your spouse 

Generally, your expectations are not right or wrong; however, the way you deal with unmet expectations can have a lot to do with whether you experience oneness in your marriage.

1.)  What is the source of most of your marriage expectations?

2.) How has your spouse exceeded your expectations?

3.)  What areas do you generally have different expectations from your spouse?

4.)How do you typically react when your expectations are not met? How can you honor God the next time your expectations are unmet?

Read: Philippians 4:8, Proverbs 22:3, 1 Corinthians 13:7 and Psalm 73:25

5.) Explain how each of these verses relate to the respective principle which we discussed in the show:

  • Identify Expectations
  • Communicate Beforehand
  • Believe the Best
  • Communicate with God

*ACTION ITEM: Discuss with your spouse any expectations you have about the upcoming weekend (or next major event).

Lesson 12-Understanding

Answer questions 1-4 by yourself first, then share them with your spouse 

The goal of understanding your differences is not so that your spouse can better serve you.  Rather, the point of living with your spouse in an understanding way is so that you can better serve your spouse. 

1.)  Do you tend to celebrate the ways your spouse is different or are you frustrated by them?

2.) What are 3 to 5 personality differences between you and your spouse? Write them down, then take a moment and thank God for these specific differences

3.)  What can you do this week to intentionally better understand your spouse?

4.)  Read: Ephesians 5:21-33.  One of the core differences between a husband and a wife is her desire for love and his desire for respect.  Ephesian 5:33 says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

a. Men – ask your wife to share 3 ways that you could love her better.

b. Ladies – ask your husband to share 3 ways you can better respect him.

*ACTION ITEM: Look back at your list of personality differences from question 2.  Pick one of those differences and find a way to specifically serve and celebrate your spouse.

Lesson 13-Emotional Intimacy

Answer questions 1-5 by yourself first, then share them with your spouse 

Intimacy can be defined as “to fully know and be fully known, without the fear of rejection.” 

1.)  Which is more difficult for you, fully knowing your spouse or being fully known by your spouse? Why?

2.) Which is more difficult for you, sharing with your spouse your personal failures or sharing your hopes and dreams about the future? Why?

3.)  What could you do better to make your marriage a safe environment where there is no fear of rejection?

4.) What have you not confessed or shared with your spouse that you believe is creating a barrier to the level of intimacy you two experience? Share your response with your spouse.

Read: Psalm 103: 8-13

5.) What does this passage say about the way God views and treats people?

*ACTION ITEM: In reviewing your answer to question 5, reflect on the following: In what ways have you treated or viewed your spouse differently than the way God treats or views them? Share some of these reflections with your spouse.

Lesson available once show airs

Lesson available once show airs

Lesson available once show airs

Why Agape Marriage?

AGAPE Marriages produce stronger families. Children need examples of healthy, Christ centered marriages! When kids see their parents model this families are strengthened. It’s our hope that together we get to the heart of these families BEFORE the kids are in trouble!

(Proverbs 14:26)

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Agape Marriage Sunday Morning
Meeting on ZOOM until further notice

Join us for our newest series January 2019:
Life Together
Looking to connect with other couples & families who desire to grow in their relationship with other couples and The Lord? This is just the place! This month we are discussing what does it mean to be “in community” with The Body?

ReEngage is postponed
until State Mandates are Lifted

Re|engage is a marriage enrichment program. Marriages in any condition can benefit, whether you are stronger than ever as a couple and you simply want to grow even closer together or you’re struggling to get along, and your marriage is broken, there will be a place for you here! See ReEngage Registration Page…

Ephesians: Building a Community In Christ

Postponed due to mandated closures

We long to belong. We crave unity. We want to be loved and accepted by others. Paul’s letter to the Ephesians is about uniting all things in Christ. Here we learn how to break down what separates us from God, one ethnic group from another, husband from wife, parent from child, employer from employee. This John Stott study provides a vision of the new society God has planned in His church.

We’d love to see every couple that participates in any or all of these marriage events using it as just a piece of their walk with Christ. However, we welcome you if: Lake is your church home, you have a home church or you’re looking for one! If you desire to grow in your faith and your marriage with us…WELCOME!

Marriage Ministries through The Church, offer an incredible open door for inviting couples who do not already attend.

When couples look to improve their marriages, they should look to The Church – a church where God’s Word is taught.

It’s our desire to build thriving Marriages and to help you have a marriage that attracts new families to your church.

We’d love to invite you to our church home, Lake Bible Church in Lake Oswego, Oregon or help you find a body that’s just right for you!

“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” Romans 12:4-5

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